There is a new virus in town. It is the high hurdle that stands between Nigerians no matter how close they are to one another and the circumstances of their relationships. It is fast becoming the root cause of mutual suspicions in official, private and marital relationships. And if it is not checked on time, its consequences may sooner transcend the basest of relationship levels to inter-governmental and related levels. It is called GSM Hyper Virus, GHV for short.
Apart from its very potent ability to impair ones hearing, GHV can so destroy your sensibilities and that in the negative sense, you are never the same moments; at times, hours after you encountered it. And if the encounter had anything to do with your wife, fiancée or some Oga @ the top in your office, the fallouts are better imagined.
Ask any Nigerian that owns a GSM phone today, he will relate his lorry-load of ugly experiences in the hands of Nigerian GSM operators to you. The same applies to the average business man around town and the poor old granny who solely depends on that very vital phone call from his son or daughter in the city to get life going again.
Or is it the employment seeker who uses his last dime to criss-cross the city on job hunt only to get links to the semblance of one, and then lost that lifetime opportunity to showcase his abilities to some potential employers just because his GSM service provider could not put his call through.
Instances abound too, where GSM providers fail to get needed departments working that simple enquiries do not get any acknowledgement.
For instance, in the last few months, matters have so gotten to some appearance of dead end that subscribers now yearn for the return to the days of NITEL analogue telecommunication mode inspite of all its inadequacies.
Are you wondering why? You do not need to wonder for too long. A simple self test will open your eyes to the reality that some GSM service companies are as unpatriotic as they are frauds.
Questions
. When last did you buy a recharge card, the denomination notwithstanding; and you then scratch in line with directions given by the service provider, load such, only to discover to your chagrin that you will not be credited. And the more times you try to reload and recharge same pin you stand greater risk of having your line blocked.
. When last did you dial a number and it clicks almost immediately?
. Recall the dozens of time and units of recharge cards that you waste when you dial a number, the person picks, only to find difficulties in either hearing him or being heard by the called person.
There is even a very novel strategy GSM providers also use to defraud subscribers that is like the in-thing now. You buy a recharge card, scratch and enter the digits hopefully, ready for the next dial only to be notified that your credit balance is zero. What happened to the units of credit you just bought will be your next natural question.
Beyond the foregoing and many other sins of GSM operators against Nigerian subscribers is this other fraud some of the companies called their customer care officers, whose schedule solely is to put a smile in the face of subscribers, seen or unseen. Alas, they do exactly the opposite.
God forbid, if you have a problem recharging your account or some other issues with your phone line and you choose to contact the customer care for solution, you may well be at the very dead end of the problem because in most cases, you return from that department with more problems.
For instance recharge your phone and the amount does not reflect what you had just put in; call the customer care people and you will first be subjected to all the protocol of listening to every kind of service the operator offers before some computer will direct you through various phases of labourious “press this” and “press that.”
And then just when you are prompted to speak with an official, the call disconnects, leaving you to start the process all over again, without apologies.
A colleague complained bitterly in the office last week as to how a new modem he bought from a GSM office just would not connect. And as we asked him to try a modem powered by another GSM service provider belonging to an editorial colleague, a third colleague quipped, “no go there; they are all the same; slow, unreliable.”
Big gamble
But who can help the GSM operators to save themselves from themselves? Nobody really! The companies appear to be aware of this fix subscribers have found themselves in; little wonder that the disdain with which they treat fellow Nigerians is fast becoming legendary…. They now have the power to determine what manner of product promo they run and perfect the strategies to dupe innocent subscribers. Today, novel approaches to “gambling with style” abound in the GSM world in Nigeria that the subscriber gets lured, cajoled and atimes, coerced into partaking in the illegitimate promos that gulp their credit units with hardly any returns to show.
A friend and colleague who spent part of his summer vacation here in Abuja had cause to retort recently after his many ugly experiences with services of GSM operators thus: “This is the second line I am subscribing to in two weeks. They are the same. The connections are not just slow but hardly hook. When you need help from the customer care, you hardly get them; and when you do, they are in a hurry to dismiss you. The one that pains me most is that for three straight days, I could not speak with my wife and son. I hear their voices, but they don’t hear mine. I kept shouting Hellooooo, I can hear you; helloooo, can you hear me? I better return home to enjoy the remaining days of the vacation with the family.”
But is the situation hopeless that many subscribers are beginning to catch the GSM Hyper Virus? That is an even tougher question to ask. Perhaps, the Nigerian Communications Commission, NCC whose beat it is to effectively and patriotically supervise the GSM companies has the answer. Yes; NCC must provide the answer!